she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Don't make out with my wife yet
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
