Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Dick very happy bro
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
