I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
