I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
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Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
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So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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