I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
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Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
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What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
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