those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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