man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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