hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
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And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
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I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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