Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
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I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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