Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Drunk is not a location!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize