I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just high enough for therapy.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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