I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
