shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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