the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Someone signed my nipple.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
