After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
