I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
