you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
