Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
