why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
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In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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