I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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