I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
farters have to be the big spoon...
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
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You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
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Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic