hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?