My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?