hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
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Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
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also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...