did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.