i'm signing you up for texting rehab
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize