You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize