I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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