it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital