You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.