What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
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She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
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She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me