Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
