At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
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That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.