thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I need to wash the frat house off of me