This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
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Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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