After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
