You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i wish my penis had a tongue
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
