I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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