Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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