so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
