It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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