I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize