I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
