Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him