literally had 100 drinks last night.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.