I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?