i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions