you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.