Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
