Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
