Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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