I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
