I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.