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There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
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