Im at strip club and am horny
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
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halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
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Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house