somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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