just tell him i said nine months
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
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Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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