My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
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