Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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