I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
