I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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