totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
