my mouth tastes like poor choices
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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